I am a: Quirky sysadmin. Geek. Gamer. Comic fangirl. My little space, my home on the interwebs. I blog about personal stuffs, work, various coding projects, and anything else I feel like.

I’m ashamed to say that, but it’s true. That memory is still too fresh for me. We plan on buying the DVD when it comes out, and I will most likely watch it on a weekend where Jim’s out playing golf and Jessie’s gone to her mother’s or grandmother’s. I can’t watch it with anyone else, it’s too personal — it’s too painful. I’ve had nightmares about 9/11 off and on for the last few years. Some were vague, some weren’t.

I had another last night. I dreamed I was involved in the war, but I wasn’t over in the Middle East, I was here. I was in my own home, readying explosives and gathering ammunition for soldiers. I distinctly remember being in my kitchen measuring out various amounts of gunpowder. I remember cutting out lengths of fuses. Just before I woke up, in the dream I was boxing everything up and was about to hand it to Jim. He was standing atop some sort of turret — what appeared to once be our bedroom upstairs. Everything was a grayish brown, smoky and dusty. There was dirt everywhere, it appeared that my house and its surroundings had been bombed. I remember feeling sad that it was daytime but I couldn’t see the sun.

So yeah, that wound still runs. I may live 800 miles or so from Ground Zero, but I hurt the day it happened, I lost someone dear to me, I feel anger and bitterness towards those who perpetrated the actions that brought this whole thing about. This is my country, and those were my people. So yeah, it hurt … still does.

Reading up on some things for the upcoming Fourth a few weeks ago, I ran across some old 9/11 memorial and tribute pages I had bookmarked a long time ago. Most of them are still up, which made me smile — but the contents of each made me cry. It’s upsetting, but I never shy away from reading a good tribute piece or memorial page. I’ve several movie favorites bookmarked from YouTube, GoogleVideo, and so on …

I’ve seen so many bitch and moan about 9/11 about how it was “so long ago” and that people “should just move on.” Some of us don’t heal that quickly.

Hell, Jim and I went to see Superman Returns last Friday. I didn’t post about it because my complaints about the movie in general would contain spoilers, and I hate posting that sort of thing. One thing that has come back to mind since seeing it however, was the airplane scene near the beginning of the movie. I think I cried the most during that part of the movie because in the back of my mind I kept looking for the terrorists that hijacked the plane. I knew when I was watching it that it wasn’t the same as United 93, nor the other planes, but the sheer terror on the passengers’ faces, the feeling of things going completely out of control, and the emptiness in the pit of your stomach telling you “this is it, you’re going to die” — I couldn’t help but think of 9/11.

Maybe that’s why I didn’t care for that movie … that, or … well, if you’ve seen it you know already.

Otherwise it’s a pretty decent flick, but was nothing like I expected — or wanted.