I am a: Quirky sysadmin. Geek. Gamer. Comic fangirl. My little space, my home on the interwebs. I blog about personal stuffs, work, various coding projects, and anything else I feel like.

OK, so I mentioned that I was planning to get a meter to start checking and tracking my blood sugar levels right? Well, the past week or so has been interesting. While it is been a good learning experience for me to see how different foods affect my blood sugar levels, I often found myself obsessing about my numbers — particularly whether they fell in what is considered a good range or not. Last weekend was a bad weekend for me. My blood sugar spiked really high at one point despite having a low-carb meal, or so I thought. I’d had some honey in my cuppa tea. Bad idea.

D’oh! Honey is full of sugar, goober. Write that up as yet another learning experience.

But I’d been hard on myself. I was lamenting my diagnosis, wishing I’d never gone to this doctor, blaming myself because I let it get this way (self-pity at its finest!). I was walking through the frozen section in Publix and realized that nearly everything I wanted was pasta or potatoes, and that I couldn’t have them. (at least not until I get this under control) And I broke. Again. A poor bag-boy happened to be walking by and was trying his damnedest to help me, offering to find something for me, asking if he could get anything for me. He was very sweet, and trying so hard to make me feel better, all the while I’m blubbering, “No, thamk you, I’lb be fime.”

I’ve been obsessing hardcore over these numbers, and even though they do have meaning, they don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. So I get a high reading? I can take steps to correct it. Sometimes I get so focused and try so hard to stay within my given parameters, that I feel like a complete and total failure if I get results that I feel shouldn’t have happened (and/or didn’t expect). I have to keep reminding myself that I’m doing better.

I haven’t had any sweet tea in 3 weeks. I have had only one diet soda (and didn’t care for it). I drink one cup of unsweet tea in the mornings and water the rest of the day. The only potatoes I’ve had were two french fries yesterday that I stole from Donna at lunch. I’ve kept my bread and other carbs at a minimum. I could be doing better on exercising, but so far this week I am 4 out of 5 days with one more to go. Considering how I was doing before and immediately after the diagnosis, I’d say that’s pretty damn good for a carb-loving fool like me. I’m so good at cheering on those I love and encouraging them, but I suck at doing the same for myself. I’m trying to change that too.

Having diabetes sucks, but I have hope. I have a plan. And I’m going to kick this thing in the ass.