I am a: Quirky sysadmin. Geek. Gamer. Comic fangirl. My little space, my home on the interwebs. I blog about personal stuffs, work, various coding projects, and anything else I feel like.

I had originally intended to post this last week:

For a while I really believed we were headed in the right direction. Maybe we were … but now we are almost back to where we were last November. At least this time he’s agreeing to see someone about our problems.

Jim and I had a “talk” last week. Though things had progressed in a good direction for a little while, it seems that we aren’t doing much better than we were last year. Last weekend we had a fight and I think I’ve cried almost every day for nearly two weeks. But Jim DID agree to see a counselor with me this time. We have an appointment Tuesday.

I’m sick of being in this emotional limbo. I’m sick of crying. I’m sick of uncertainty. I’m sick of having to hold it together just long enough to make it to work every day, or be around family and friends and not be a total basketcase. I’m sick of being afraid that I’m losing my husband.

I’m nervous and scared — and I think I’m most afraid that I won’t have enough strength for the both of us this time.