I am a: Quirky sysadmin. Geek. Gamer. Comic fangirl. My little space, my home on the interwebs. I blog about personal stuffs, work, various coding projects, and anything else I feel like.

This time of year sucks. It’s a plain and simple fact. Some years I manage OK, but this year isn’t one of them. One of the downsides of starting a new job, and getting a new team and ‘work family’ is knowing how much to share about my past traumas, explaining why I am the way I am. My DP fam are fantastic, I love them to bits. My boss is a great guy.

That said, I cannot wait for the holidays to pass by as quickly as possible. The great thing about being with ibml so long was everyone knew why I hated the holidays and avoided it in discussions because they knew it was painful for me. No one knows that here. I’ve opened up to a few folks and said this time of year is difficult but left it at that. However, I’m unable to navigate most conversations away from holiday questions and discussions without being rude, standoffish, or even downright cold. I’m not that person. But at the same time, how do I eloquently, discreetly convey that I can’t talk about the why because I don’t know that person well enough to trust them with my pain?

Dare I share more about why I’m this way? How much do I tell? How much do I hold back? Who do I trust with this vulnerable part of myself?

Simplest path: trust no one, tell nothing.

Either way I’m still suffering …