I am a: Quirky sysadmin. Geek. Gamer. Comic fangirl. My little space, my home on the interwebs. I blog about personal stuffs, work, various coding projects, and anything else I feel like.

Thanksgiving and Christmas were painful. To say I haven’t been coping well is an understatement. Work was kicking my ass, plus from end of October to beginning of January are usually the times I struggle the most mentally and emotionally. Work being an already heavy load to bear. So naturally I withdrew into my shell. Once New Year’s passed, I started feeling better, almost lighter. That changed this week.

Yesterday I lost my job. I’m in shock. I’m angry. I wasn’t given a real reason why, not that anyone needs one here because Alabama is an “at will” state. My gaming laptop tried to eat itself. I had already placed an order for a new one at the beginning of the year as a gift to myself. I had originally planned to replace it later this year but something in the back of my mind kept nagging me to go ahead and do it. Some work discounts from Dell helped me lower the cost, allowing me to have a little left over of what I’d saved up.

Of course this same nagging had been telling me to get my resume ready. I’d had nightmares of being jobless over the past month. But then again, my jerk of a brain always gives me nightmares so I didn’t give them much weight. Maybe something or someone was trying to warn me about yesterday too?

Worse: For the first time in a long time I started having dark thoughts last night. And right now all I want to do is cry, or sleep.

So now I’m at home trying to figure out what to do with myself now. I’m already formulating a few plans, but I don’t even have a separation letter from SVP yet. All I was told was that HR would be in touch … and so far they have not. I don’t know what’s going to happen with my benefits, or if there’s a severance, or what? I hate being stuck in limbo. I emailed my former bosses, and I guess it’s telling that no one is responding to me? How a company treats you when you’re booted out shows their true colors in my not so humble opinion.

How can you be a “company who cares” but treat human beings with less dignity than you would common a piece of rubbish?