I am a: Quirky sysadmin. Geek. Gamer. Comic fangirl. My little space, my home on the interwebs. I blog about personal stuffs, work, various coding projects, and anything else I feel like.

So a quick health update: My GP put me on Metformin a couple of months ago because despite moderate diet change and losing weight, my blood sugar keeps skyrocketing. Ugh. I am NOT thrilled about that, as it’s given me a whole new batch of stomach issues in addition to the ones I already had. Oh the joy.

My headaches have gone from ‘Tolerable’ to ‘Please God, kill me.’ After several months of hiding in my proverbial shell, I’ve started on round 3 of different specialists for my headaches. I have an appointment with a doctor in a pain center who specializes in migraines, so I’m hoping he can help. I also have an appointment with an ophthalmologist in a week or so. I have not had my eyes checked in a while, and my neurologist (that I fired who then passed away) saw “something” on my eye that he didn’t remember seeing before, so I’m having that checked out. I’m not having any vision problems other than not being able to focus my eyes whenever I have a headache (which is nothing new, I’ve just learned to live with it). My GP referred me to another neurologist, whom I have not seen yet. I’m not sure yet if I will. For now I am holding off to see what the pain dude says.

I took a few days off last week after having yet another massive panic attack at work the week before. This job is quite literally killing me. I was fine the days I spent off. In fact, I felt great! But Sunday evening, I start having chest pains again. And this morning I threw up before leaving the house to go to work. The stress is getting to me, and even though I’ve separated work and home life as much as possible, it still gets to me. Even now, I feel my neck and shoulders tensing up just thinking about it while I write this. Even worse, the Baclofen (mild muscle relaxer) isn’t working for me anymore … for a short time it helped with headaches, now it’s like I’ve not taken anything at all.

I have a follow-up with my GP in a week or so as well. I’m kind of dreading that, because part of me thinks if my blood sugar isn’t low enough, he’ll up my Metformin dosage. I really REALLY don’t want that. I really want to be off this stuff … the side effects I’ve seen have NOT been “mild” like other folks’ might have been. :(

So anyways, in preparation for my visit to the pain center is the new patient packet that I’m having to fill out. I kid you not, this thing is nearly 50 pages long. FIFTY. FUCKING. PAGES! I’m having to detail the last 20 or so years’ worth of treatments for my migraines in addition to all of the other treatments I have going on right now — physical AND mental. I know I can’t blame my migraines on my depression and anxiety, but I know they aren’t helping any. When I come down from a really bad panic attack, I get what I call a “mental hangover” which is usually a slight headache and feeling physically drained.

Also: It’s been an adventure trying to get my medication history from Walgreens. My memory has been going to shit over the last few years, so I have difficulty remembering which meds I’ve already tried in the past. My last neurologist found this annoying and basically gave me a chart of common migraine meds and had me point out all the ones that sounded familiar, assuming that I’d taken them if I recognized the name. (It turns out I was mostly right.) But anyways, getting shit from Walgreens has been difficult as their online search now only pulls a few months’ worth. I’ve had to submit a request in writing for the last 10 years worth of records for me. And that won’t cover everything. Thankfully, I did blog about a few of the meds over the years, so hooray for that. :)

Bleh. I’m … OK. That’s about it.

The anniversary of Reggie’s passing was Saturday. Had a private memorial for that. I’m attending an event with friends tomorrow night also in his honor, so that’ll be nice. It’s been really hard. I miss the fuck out of him. :(

I feel kind of guilty because I’ve been avoiding my therapist. I keep telling myself that I’m going to holler at her and catch her up on everything going on, but just haven’t made the time. She leaves messages for me, letting me know that she’s there whenever I’m ready to talk. She knows that I tend to hole up and shut out everyone/everything when it all gets too much. And lately that’s been exactly it … too much.

There’s a ton more that I had intended to write about, but honestly I don’t see the point, and so in the words of Inigo Montoya, “let me sum up”: Family drama. I’m single. More family drama. Found out another old Scene friend passed away. BFF bought a house. Work sucks a big dead donkey dick. I still hate myself, though slightly less than before.

Clear as mud? Good. :P

Oh, and I get to see my kid this week. Also, my bigoted Judgy McJudgerson neighbor appears to be moving out. Halle-fucking-lujah, THANK YOU GOD! (to both of those)

I hope y’all are having a good Monday. I’ll be over here burying myself in books, video games, and good friends’ company because those are the only things really helping right now. ♥