I am a: Quirky sysadmin. Geek. Gamer. Comic fangirl. My little space, my home on the interwebs. I blog about personal stuffs, work, various coding projects, and anything else I feel like.

This first funny is courtesy of Mary:

An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 AM and was asked where he was going at that time of night.

The man replied, “I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as the harmful effects of smoking … and also the ill effects of staying out late.”

The officer then asked, “Really? Who’s giving that lecture at this time of night?”

The man replied, “That would be my wife.”

This next one I saw on Facebook:

A 70 year old man went to his doctor’s office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow.”

The next day, the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor’s office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asks, “What happened?” and the man explains, “Well, doctor, it’s like this. First, I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then, I tried with my left hand, still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and she tried with both hands, and her mouth too, but nothing.”

The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?”

The old man replied, “Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn’t get the darn jar open!”

So many times, I wished I had something like this on my rear windshield:

And I’m told this fits me. :)