I am a: Quirky sysadmin. Geek. Gamer. Comic fangirl. My little space, my home on the interwebs. I blog about personal stuffs, work, various coding projects, and anything else I feel like.

It’s been a while since my last personal update. I have a lot to tell, but I feel like none of it matters anymore.

Last week Jim told me he felt it had been “long enough” and it was time to “end it.” He brought up getting an annulment, I refused. He then brought up divorce, I don’t want that either. We fought all night, but the result would have been the same, fight or no fight — he’s leaving.

I still love my husband, and I’m losing him.

He flat-out refuses to see a therapist and does not believe that changing his medication will help. He feels that we’ve “dragged this out long enough” and that he’s too broken to give me what I need, and that I should move on.

He’s already found an apartment that he’ll be looking at in the next day or so, if he hasn’t already. He wants to sit down and go over our finances. We won’t be selling our house, I’ll be staying there. He and Jessie will move out. It broke my heart to tell her that. She was there for our fight, and she’s plenty upset with both of us. She had it in her head that she was going to stay with me.

I love my daughter, and I’m losing her too.

The two people I love most in this world are slipping away from me. I feel powerless and hopeless, and all I can do is cry.