Today’s funnies start off with this one from Don:
The Blind Bunny
One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell right on his twitchy little nose.
“Oh please excuse me,” said the bunny. “I didn’t mean to trip over you, but I’m blind and can’t see.”
“That’s perfectly all right,” replied the snake. “To be sure, it was my fault. I didn’t mean to trip you, but I’m blind too, and I didn’t see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?”
“Well, I really don’t know,” said the bunny. “I’m blind, and I’ve never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.”
So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, “Well, you’re soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!
The bunny said, “I can’t thank you enough. But by the way, what kind of animal are you?”
The snake replied that he didn’t know either, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked, “Well, what kind of an animal am I?”
The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he replied, “You’re cold, you’re slippery, and you haven’t got any balls…. You must be a politician.”
And this one is courtesy of my mother:
The year is 2016 and the United States has just elected the first woman as well as the first Bama president, Susan Downsouth. A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says, ‘So, Dad, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?’
‘I don’t think so. It’s a 16 hour drive, your mother isn’t as young as she used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.’
‘Don’t worry about it Dad, I’ll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door.’
‘I don’t know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?’
Oh Dad, replies Susan, ‘I’ll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom-made by the best designer in Washington.’
‘Honey,’ Dad complains, ‘you know I can’t eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.’
The President-to-be responds, ‘Don’t worry Dad. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in Washington, I’ll ensure your meals are salt free Dad, I really want you to come.’
So Dad reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2017, Susan Downsouth is being sworn in as President of the United States. In the front row sits the new president’s Dad and Mom. Dad noticing the senator sitting next to him leans over and whispers, ‘You see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States .’
The Senator whispers back, ‘Yes I do.’
Dad says proudly, ‘Her brother played football at Alabama for Nick Saban.’
RedNose
Thank you Nicki for the laughs every Wednesday :)