How many times have I said, “If I only knew then what I know now … ”
Jessie and I had a long talk yesterday afternoon about some of the kids in her class. She’s like any kid and gets the normal bit of teasing from the class clown who likes to poke at anyone and everyone within yelling distance, and outside of the bullying incidents, they’ve been nothing big. However, apparently one of her classmates lately has been picking on her because she spends her time divided between two families: her mother’s and her father’s. She told me that she tried explaining to this kid that she can’t help that she has to live this way, and told me, “She just doesn’t understand what it’s like for me. I’m different because of this, and nobody likes you when you’re different.”
Oh boy, how I can relate!
Luckily my folks divorced when I was very young, so I don’t remember my biological father at all and never had to deal with having to shuffle back and forth between homes. Unfortunately, Jessie doesn’t have that luxury. And while I have no doubt in my mind that she loves us all very dearly, I think she wishes sometimes for a “normal” family setting — e.g., one family, one home.
Of all the things I can help her handle — math homework, studying for tests, learning her way around the kitchen — this is one of those things where I feel powerless to help. I’ve always tried to show Jessie how much I sympathize with her by sharing my own experiences, and I hope that she understands that she’s not alone. It tears me up to think that for even one moment she may feel as worthless as I once did. I can’t feel the pain for her. All I can do is advise her as best I know how, offer lots of hugs and support, encourage her to share her experiences with me and her mother and father, and hope that she’ll see that one day that she CAN get past this and move on to better things.
And maybe, just maybe, those who have done wrong to her will look back and realize the harm that causes.
I’ve spent a little time the past few days catching up on my feeds, and PostSecret had an entry that really hit home when I was reading over it just now …
I think I’ll print that out and save for Jessie to see when she gets back to our house tomorrow.
Uncle Monster
My little girlfriend should tell her tormentors that
she has an Uncle Monster who will eat their face.
Muhahahah, Muhahahah, Muhahaha
[8~{} Uncle Monster
Scott Allan
She may feel alone, but she is hardly alone. With a 50% divorce rate, I would bet there are a great majority of kids in her class in the same situation. That clown oughta be careful, what goes around comes around! The clown’s dad is probably the UPS driver.
The best you can do is be there for her like you always are. I think somehow you have to help her to feel proud of her situation and not ashamed or embarrassed. My son used to brag to kids that he was lucky because he has two dads instead of just one when they wondered why my last name is different from his. Maybe it would help if she felt she’s defending your honor.
Scott Allan
Might I also suggest a karate class? Not for self defense, but for confidence and self esteem. It would help her to not feel powerless, overwhelmed, and intimidated in these situations. Plus it’s good exercise.
Nicki
Thank you, Scott. :)
She’s already taking karate, and you’re right, it has really helped out a LOT with her self confidence and esteem!
Like anyone, she has her “blue” moments and I’ve noticed that she tends to dwell on things like this. Her father and I always point out positive things to help improve her mood.
Scott Allan
My heart breaks whenever I see these stories about Jessie. I was a sensitive kid myself so I know how tough it can be.
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