Today’s For Better or For Worse hit a little close to home.
It reminds me of when Jim and I first began dating. Many times Jessie’s mother would be emotionally distant from her (out of spite to Jim), and naturally Jessie would seek the attention and love she craved from me instead. Then her mother would be “mommy” again, and Jessie would withdraw from me. This back and forth motion nonsense has gone on for years. There are many times I’ve felt like Elizabeth in the cartoon above … I wasn’t “mommy” but I was there so I’ll do.
Without knowing it, Jessie gave me the best compliment last week when she had gotten sick at school. She specifically asked the school nurse to call me and ask if I could come get her. Not her father. Not her mother. Me.
Her mother is hard to get a hold of sometimes, and usually they call Jim first. They’re supposed to. I’m not a biological parent, so I’m always “last in line” when it comes to these things. But she kept asking for me, and in doing so it hit me that when she’s been ill in the past, she’s always wanted me. She trusts me when it comes to her well-being, and in those situations, prefers me to her own mother. She knows I would never do anything to harm her, and always want what’s best for her.
I suppose that’s the best I could ever hope for?
I know I can never replace her mother, and I’ve assured Jessie of this for years. But being a step-parent is hard. Her mother views me as competition. She resents my relationship with Jessie and at times has taken her anger and frustration out on Jessie.
Being a step-child is harder. Jessie doesn’t want to hurt her mother’s feelings by wanting my love and attention, but she also doesn’t want to hurt mine by wanting her mother. Like I said, there a lot times I feel like Elizabeth –I’m not “mommy” but I’m there when she has needed me.
Maybe one day I’ll be more …
Prvtctzn
I raised 3 (step) children. I was lucky in that the children’s dad was out of the picture, but having said that, it still is easily one of the hardest things there is to do as far as parenting goes. So much in fact that I would disagree about the child having it worse in all cases. Maybe in a lot of situations, but certainly not all.
Nicki, in time, you will be ‘mommy’. Through the good and the bad, the warts and all. Just keep loving her like I know you do. It’s all good. :cool:
Prvtctzn
Uncle Monster
Well heck, I’m her weird uncle. Who else goes after her toes and
threatens to unscrew her bellybutton so her behind falls off?
[8~{} Uncle Monster
Cookie
My wife and I adopted three children, ages 6,7and 9 and they were all from the same family. Our biological daughter was 8 at the time.
They are all now in their late 30’s and early 40’s. Were there rough times over the years…you betcha! A few years back, at the behest of one of my daughters, I used my detective skills and helped her track down the parents, who had divorced at the time of the adoption many years earlier.
They met their bio-mother, and we also recently had the biological father flown in from California so he could meet his grown up kids. Yes…they are their bio-parents…but guess who Mom & Dad are….
She’ll figure things out over the years, and will find a balance point that is comfortable for her. Just give her your love and support, talk openly and honestly to her about the situation, and your feelings and love will be met accordingly in kind…
Mara
I can sooooo relate to the feelings you described…
Belle
In my opinion, this makes you “mommy”. I know it must be different being a step parent (I’m only a stepchild). But I think it’s pretty amazing that she wants to call on you like that. At her age, my stepmother was the LAST person I wanted around me.
Doc
You may not be her, doll, but you are YOU and who you are is very important to Jessie. The Fates (or God if you like) put you where you needed to be and I think you’re doing a fantastic job there. *nods*
*Hugs*
Nicki
Hey gang, thanks for the advice and encouragement. :)