A quick catch-up for y’all …
Dad still hasn’t spoken to me. Mom’s going on pretending nothing’s happened. I guess that’s better than nothing, and it’s almost better than the constant bickering and nagging … right?
Yeah, I’ll keep telling myself that.
Jessie’s been acting out more at school, and at home. We had gotten her grades about a month ago, and she had completely slipped off of the A Honor Roll with 2 very low C’s and mostly B’s. Before now, the lowest grade she’d ever had was an 85. She’s not studying for tests, and hasn’t been honest with us about when they are. She’s not doing homework. What’s worse, she’s becoming more of a problem in the classroom. She’s had several warnings, getting her name on the board (once for a whole week), and this week had yet another behavior notice sent home.
She had gotten in trouble off and on all last week with a substitute teacher (her regular teacher has been sick for the last couple of weeks), and so when the teacher returned yesterday wrote Jessie up and sent home the note detailing what has been happening at school. Needless to say, she wasn’t very happy when I picked her up last night.
Ah, the tell-tale sign of trouble!
Her mother grounded her — which is a GOOD thing considering that until recently, she hadn’t been disciplining Jessie AT ALL. (unless you count her screaming at the top of her lungs over every little thing) Of course, she always lets Jessie off of her punishment after a couple of days, but oh well, it’s a start. Jim and I grounded her from the computer, XBox, and cartoons for the next two weeks, and she’ll be helping me more with the housework this weekend. If she so much as gets her name on the board again (or worse, another note) she’ll be grounded for a month, along with additional punishment — most likely the cancellation of her and my Saturday “trips” (out to eat, shopping, etc.). What’s worse, I went through her backpack last night and found homework papers that she had hidden from us, so she got into even MORE trouble for that. She had gotten mad at me for that, and the fact that we made her do the homework before going to bed … I don’t know why, but she is outright *refusing* to do her homework.
Jim and I both believe in corporal punishment, BUT only in moderation. Jessie’s only been spanked a few times since I’ve known her. Jim and I had decided this past summer that she was getting too old to be spanked and that we would try alternative punishment methods. Grounding has worked to an extent … she is still acting up for me and her mother (and the school of course), but not with Jim. The whole “fear of Dad” thing I guess.
She’s not really terrible with me, actually we get along pretty well … but I’ve noticed that she HAS started pouting and crying/whining more lately when she doesn’t get her way. She wants to argue and will out-right talk over you if you don’t give in immediately. I know where she gets it … this is her mother … she sees and hears her say and do things, and then turns around and emulates it. (and the woman wonders why her kid has such a smart mouth? Honestly! Ever look in the mirror, lady?!)
She’s resorted to dramatizing EVERYTHING and tries to cry her way out of trouble … something else she got from her mother. Every time she tries it now, I tell her that if she starts crying she’s automatically in trouble and not to start it with me. She’s doing better about that for the most part, but the dramatizing shit needs to go. I tell her all the time that she’s too smart and capable for that, and that there are better ways of trying to achieve what you want.
What worries me that she’s been asking me a lot lately if she’s “a good kid” … whenever she’s in trouble, she tells me “I don’t belong in this world”. Now I know that can mean several things. For one, she has really latched on to the whole Harry Potter thing, and she may be going through something similar to what I did as a kid: wish you really belonged some place else. Though Jim and I have talked to her about the books and movies, explaining that it’s all make-believe and while immersing yourself in it is OK in moderation, but to be sure not to get lost in an imaginary world.
God knows I wished everyday to be someplace other than where I was or to even BE someone else … I still remember what that feels like, so I can understand where she’s coming from.
It breaks my heart to see her unhappy. Jim has talked to the school counselor, and we are trying to arrange to have Jessie see her more often. But I fear that she may need professional (individual) counseling, and even though her insurance would most likely cover it, her mother refuses to go that route.
But that’s another rant altogether and I don’t want to post it here.
Anyways, so that’s where I’ve been buried lately …
Mara
“I don’t belong in this world”
I uderstand you probably are afraid of over-reacting…but that’s a big warning sign. I wouldn’t take that as “from Harry Potter.”
Good luck hon…I’m going through a real similar situation.
Nitallica
Thanks hon. I’ve talked to Jim about it, and we are currently looking for motivational and self-esteem tools to implement around the house. One thing that he and I are doing is a “You’re a good kid because…” and list a handful of reasons and examples explaining what good qualities, talents, and positive attributes she has. I’ve been wanting to do this one for a long time because each list would be personal — one from me to her, and the other from Jim to her. I’m still going to keep working on trying to talk her mother into letting her go see a therapist. I think that would help most of all, but in the mean time, Jim and I will do what we can. :/
Mara
You mean her mom ISN’T agreeing to counseling???? With all these signs/problems, you’d think that would be her FIRST thought.
The positive reinforcement is excellent.
Nitallica
Remember that a lot of Jessie’s negativity, fears, and outbursts are influenced BY and even copied directly FROM her mother. Her mother thinks she’s just “a normal kid” who’s pissed off because her folks are divorced.
grrrrrrrrrrrrr
There’s a reason I call this woman PsychoBitch.