I am a: Quirky sysadmin. Geek. Gamer. Comic fangirl. My little space, my home on the interwebs. I blog about personal stuffs, work, various coding projects, and anything else I feel like.

I’ve been kind of avoiding everyone lately. Work and family have been stressing me out so I’ve been rather withdrawn … Hell, it’s taken me 3 days to actually SIT and write this …

Work has been rather trying. The owner, rather than work with us and schedule a time, told Jim that he’s to perform the next webserver upgrade at 2 in the morning on a Monday or Tuesday or his picking (not Jim’s), rather than the suggested Thursday. If something goes wrong over a weekend, that’s no big deal and would make it really easy for one, if not both, of us to be available to work on it — plus have time to sleep. During the week, however is another issue because of Jessie. AND neither of us will get any OT pay or offtime for working those hours.

During last week’s meeting, the issue was brought up and Jim’s re-suggestion of doing it on a Thursday and it was quickly shot down. To put it shortly, he wanted it his way or we were free to leave.

I’m ready to leave.

Today I found out that a 3rd-party is re-doing the entire site in ASP. That’s just fine and dandy … except for the small teency fact that we will be the ones doing the updates and maintenance of this thing, and NEITHER JIM NOR I KNOW ASP!!!

This was, of course, much to the boss’ chagrin when we brought this to his attention.

What pisses me off most about this thing — not that someone else is doing what should be OUR JOB!!! — is that the new site looks to me (although I haven’t received any of the source files YET) that it might negate all of the PHP work I have done over the past year … A FUCKING YEAR!

I need a new job.

Working here is stressing me and Jim out, we’re constantly at each other’s throats. Our benefits keep getting reduced. And when you ask for a raise, you’re given a sob story about how the company is going through financial troubles.

Yeah, you guys look like you’re hurting … one of you JUST built a brand new 5 bedroom house, all of you are driving monstrous SUVs, … your kids’ allowance is probably more than my salary, so pardon me if I don’t fucking CARE.

The office manager tells me that the owners didn’t draw a paycheck in order to meet payroll. Forgive me for not sympathizing, but if they miss a payday, they’re still fine — if *I* miss a payday, I could lose my home, or my utilities, or not be able to buy FOOD or the basic NECESSITIES for my FAMILY!

But I rant and digress …

Jessie had her eye appointment a couple of weeks ago. We’re told that she’ll have to wear glasses for the rest of her life. She’s self-conscious as it was, now she’s worse. I feel bad for her. I knew a lot of kids growing up that wore glasses and were picked on a LOT! She has enough problems getting along, she doesn’t need that.

We found out Friday that Jim’s insurance is not going to cover the work done on his hand. Great, another expense we didn’t need. Plus his car needs the A/C fixed. My car needs engine work.

It all feels so overwhelming, and I know it’s taking a toll on everyone. Last night Jim and I had a huge fight that ended in a shouting match … we both said things that hurt. Poor Jessie tried to play referee between us, asking us not to fight and to “not be apart.”

Bless her little heart, she’s so sweet.

We try not to fight in front of her, but she did hear Jim telling me that his ex was better than me and that he should just go back to her, and me telling him “Fine, go back to HER!”, … and I didn’t hear his reply because at this point I had gone upstairs and turned the TV up so I couldn’t hear him.

After both of us had calmed down and started talking again, she hugged both of us saying that she didn’t want us to be apart, and that she liked Jim staying with me better than she did him staying with her mother.

Out of the mouths of babes … *sigh* … the only thing we have that’s *right* is each other, but even that is wearing down because of everything else.

We both know that if we keep working here, we are going to tear each other apart. And it’s looking as if we stay near Birmingham, we will not be able to find a decent job. Something’s got to change, and soon.

Oh well, at least it’s finally stopped raining …